Cole went platinum with no features” meme, especially if it doesn’t go platinum.) Most of the crabby NYC guys (Busta unsurprisingly manic Fabolous surprisingly muted) are quarantined to “Don’t Ever Play Yourself,” which mostly wastes Khaled’s best slogan and, to add injury to insult, is ultimately stolen by pleasantly aggrieved relative newcomer Kent Jones, who is from Florida. ( Major Key in toto is a hilarious foil to the “J. Cole gets his own interlude-ish trifle on which to threaten retirement. Nas announces that his new album is done on a song literally titled “Nas Album Done.” Bryson Tiller assails the haters on “Ima Be Alright,” which implies an emotional investment in Bryson Tiller one way or the other that is not much in evidence. Yeah, and you grovel different, too, pal. “My wife Beyoncé / I brag different,” he crows. Jay Z’s kicks things off with “I Got the Keys,” tap dancing around both a vintage croon-barked Future hook and his own various middle-aged issues, as usual. It’s all sonically anonymous, but it constitutes its own style if you hang in long enough. Throw the best parties for long enough and you start outshining your guests, even in absentia.Īnyway, buncha songs on this thing, each one its own stretch-SUV-limo monument to jovial, untouchable opulence. Khaled was a first-ballot Why Is This Guy Even Famous Hall of Fame inductee, but we’ve all long figured it out by now. “Don’t sit next to the lion.” They don’t want him to sit next to the lion! There’s more personality and joie de vivre in that image than on, hmmm, let’s say 85 to 100 percent of the guest verses contained herein. “I was so against the lion,” Busta Rhymes recently allowed to The New York Times. The guy is a social-media genius now, a Snapchat megastar and humble Beyoncé opening act with a firmer grip on fame and career longevity than, hmmm, let’s say 50 to 70 percent of this album’s guests. No, the big innovation with Major Key is that it’s the first DJ Khaled record where you find yourself wishing for more DJ Khaled. He tore the roof off, or, more accurately, he hired a crapload of people to tear the roof off. The single greatest thing I have ever witnessed at a Hot 97 Summer Jam, in that hallowed annual NYC arena-rap institution’s 20-plus-year history, is Khaled leading roughly 600 onstage rappers and 400,000 rapt onlookers through an ungodly rousing rendition of “All I Do Is Win” in 2010. “I’m on One” is, very quietly, a top-5 Drake single 2014’s 50-R&B-crooner pileup “Hold You Down” sounded stealthily gorgeous on the radio. He’s 10 years and nine albums deep into this Garfield Minus Garfield routine now, and the pitfalls (and jokes!) are obvious, but the highs are undeniable. Khaled long ago cemented his reputation as the Garry Marshall of Rap, his overstuffed and undercooked full-lengths the sonic equivalent of Mother’s Day or New Year’s Day or Valentine’s Day. (“They don’t want me to have another anthem!”) And just like the real All-Star Game, no one is trying too hard, galumphing good-naturedly around the court and throwing up wild alley-oop passes and taking extra care not to get injured. A few luminaries (Future, Rick Ross, Big Sean) jump on multiple tracks, but most do not as usual, your gracious host confines himself to infrequent ad-libs and shout-outs and hearty sloganeering. Major Key does indeed employ the talents of 32 guest stars, the full delightful Baskin-Robbins flavor assortment (plus Meghan Trainor). So your frenemies at Apple Music, in touting their exclusive stream of your true best friend DJ Khaled’s new album, describe it as “the hip-hop equivalent of an All-Star weekend.” Too true.
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